Saving You
by Tictactoe1212
Summary: Castiel, reeling from falling and having his Grace taken, the only thing he fears is being useless to the only human he truly cares about, Dean. And after a bad hunt leaving Dean angry at him, how will he cope? And will Dean have time to apologize? My first fan fiction EVER so if any criticism just be gentle.


Saving You

The crimson liquid flowed freely over pale skin. Deep cobalt eyes watching as the blade dipped into the skin deep to draw his blood 'my blood? This isn't my blood, these aren't my hands, this isn't my body' he cut deeper going slow.

He's fallen

He's not an Angel anymore

He is useless

Cutting deeper and deeper, more blood oozing out. Before he couldn't fathom why some humans would so this to themselves; he saw a girl in a movie cut herself, he tilted his head, confused. He look towards the brothers, who are at the table filled with books and scraps of paper "why is she doing that?" The older Winchester was the first to look up, an angry expression filled his once blank face "she's doing that because she's weak" the younger Winchester nodded in agreement also having a grimace on his face.

Weak. That's what he is right now. Weak and useless. He was told so too.

"Your kinda useless to us now, ya know right?" He still cringes when he remembers that. A whimper escapes his lips, realizing that he stopped cutting and started crying 'useless! You are useless! You were no good use before and your not one now!' The tears flowed heavily down pale cheeks he looked at the blood feeling sick to his stomach, he nearly vomited. Looking at the time, it read 12:55, giving him enough time before the two came back.

Standing up on shaky legs he wobbled to the bathroom forgetting the bloody pocket knife on the ruined carpet 'the carpets ugly anyway.'

Dean gave him the pocket knife saying "You may have lost your Angel mojo but you can still be useful the human way."

Smiling bitterly at that memory, but he was still useless in that aspect too. He ruined their last hunt nearly killing them and ten other people. Dean yelled at him all the way back to the motel it got bad enough that Sam intervened and they left for awhile, leaving a hurt fallen Angel.

Only Sam came back that night.

He shed his shirt with great care as not to elicit anymore pain, filling up the bathtub because he dislikes the shower and, even though he's been a human 'a poor excuse for one' for six months he still can't figure out the dials for hot and cold water and to even turn on the shower itself. Once he got the shirt off he let the article fall to the ground a big blood stain on the front and sleeve 'sorry, Sam...' The pants were easy since they were two sizes to big he just loosened the belt and they fell, taking his underwear with it. He wrapped a damp towel around his arm, hissing at the pain 'I think I may have cut to deep... I hope not' he settled into the bathtub, the warm waters relaxing him. He gently placed his wounded arm on the side, the towel turning red. He suddenly felt drowsy, his whole body suddenly felt heavy, the warm water soothing him taking the sickness away, listening to the running faucet lulling him to sleep, he gladly accepts it. Closing his eyes he remembers the rest of the scene with the cutting girl; she to went into the bathroom, filled the tub, closed her eyes and then it switched to a cemetery.

"That damn witch!"

Dean yelled angrily at the rapidly darkening sky.

"Oh calm down, Dean. We got her, mission accomplished." Sam threw the duffle bag into the back seat to sore to open the trunk.

"I know! I just wish we got her before I lost my favorite gun" grumbling like a child he sat harshly into the drivers seat waiting for his brother to get in.

"Maybe, if we had brought Cas along then he would've distracted her and you could have grabbed your gun before she exploded" he snapped back getting in.

Dean stayed quiet after that. Thinking back to the last hunt with great displeasure; Castiel set fire to the building way before the time he was supposed to. Two out of ten of the victims had severe burns, and Sam nearly got crushed by a falling banister. He was livid. Once he was out of the house he went straight up to him and punched him, relishing in the fact that he doesn't feel like he's punching a cement wall. Castiel was still reeling from falling but strangely he didn't mind 'At least I'm here with Dean.'

He didn't expect a punch from Dean, he expected a "Good job, Cas" or "Your awesome" or whatever but not a punch. He looked up into angry green eyes and actually got scared, and he was never afraid of Dean. He lunches him again, Cas looked toward Sam who was on the ground breathing hard, he knows that Sam sees this but he's not doing anything. Castiel took the third blow and finally Dean stopped, he brought his face close to Cas's, the fallen Angels heart sped up, but it broke when Dean muttered coldly

"You are useless."

The look that Castiel gave him didn't affect him then but now every time he remembers the pain those beautiful blues shone, an explosion of guilt spread through him twisting and squeezing his heart. He knew at the time how Castiel felt about being useless to them especially to him. As if Sam was remembering the same thing he said.

"You really shouldn't have said that to Castiel." Dean gripped the steering wheel tighter, hitting the gas, speeding up the impala "Your right."

Before they got to the motel, Dean stopped at a burger place and got 50 cheeseburgers, 10 hamburgers and a salad. Sam grinned at Dean, who out right ignored him. They both know that Jimmy (Castiels vessel) loves red meat but so does Castiel and since they took Jimmy's soul when they took his Grace its all Castiel now and Dean liked it that way; he felt a little guilty for fantasizing about the vessel when Jimmy Novak was in their somewhere.

They got to the motel, Sam opening the door while Dean carried the bags thinking of how to apologize to Cas. The door is opened but Sam isn't going in Dean rolled his eyes walking in "Hey Cas! We're back! We got-" he stopped noticing a puddle of blood on the ugly carpet "CAS!" He called his name but no answer. Putting the bags on the table he walked in further, until,

Squish!

"Why the hell is the carpet wet?" He asked, anxiety in his voice 'where the hell is that feather head?!'

"Uh...Dean.." "What Sam.." Sam had Castiel's bloody pocket knife in his hands.

They hear the sound of running water and remember the wet carpet, Dean bolted to the bathroom door before Sam could say. The doors locked, Dean banged on the door "Castiel!" He banged louder "Castiel, YOU better open this door!" Nothing. "Move Dean!" Sam kicked the door in, once Dean moved, rushing in, Sam turning off the faucet while Dean pulled Cas from the water.

"Oh god! Dean! His arm!" Sam's voice shuddered at spotting the completely red towel wrapped around his injured arm. Dean felt his heart twist at the sight of his angel.

Castiel's body suddenly felt cold, the warmth from the bath cooling away. He shuddered at the loss of that heavenly warmth, thinking he's in bed he moves his injured arm but with great difficulty. The arm in itself felt like it weighed a ton. Grunting he tried to open his eyes but they were crusted together from not dried tears and he has a throbbing going on in his head all the way to his arm, which is getting worse because he felt something (or someone) shaking him. He groaned in protest but the shaking only got worse and then he hears voices, muffled together but he's able to tell its two people instead of one. The voice closest sounded scared, panicky, the voice sounds rougher than the other 'Dean...' The first person that came to mind, the other voice sounding equally as panic 'Sam.'

Now that the voices were named they became more distinguishable

"...-ome on, Cas! Wake up!" Deans voice broke through first.

"Come on, Castiel. Open your eyes- oh god Dean we can't fix this up ourselves he needs to go to a hospital!"

Dean looked at his brother with watery eyes trying to figure out what to do "...Dean.." He looks down seeing those blue eyes he loved so much. He opened his mouth to talk until "I'm sorry." He closed his eyes, hoping his death will atone for everything.

"Cas? Castiel.." He shook him once, twice, nothing "CASTIEL!"

I'm sorry, Dean...


End file.
